I have had a pretty amazing 13 days. I have been caught in a flurry of emotions. I've have dug deep in my soul. I've been full of thoughts. I've been frightened, perplexed, strong, brave, overwhelmed, but mostly I have been loved. And probably not by the people you might be thinking of.
It all started on October 3 when I took the pledge with many of my sisters to love me. It may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for me, it was huge. I am the kind of person who puts myself out there for everyone and everything else and then has little or no time for me. Like Ado Annie in Oklahoma, I'm just a girl who can't say no. But on October 3, I promised to try to change that
So....I made it a point to find time for me and only me in every day. It showed in the Shrinkvivor challenges. For the fastest mile challenge, I finally broke my 15 minute mile and almost broke 14 minutes. Again, not a big deal for some of you, but huge for me. For the mileage challenge, I walked 26.2 miles in six days. As several people pointed out in their comments, that was a freakin marathon. I was doing this.
Now comes October 12. I'm on Twitter that night and everyone is buzzing about the Exposed Movement. I had no idea what they were talking about. I ask what's going on and I find out. To quote Melissa......
" What would it be like if we stopped wondering “what if” and “when I lose this much” and simply appreciated our bodies for what they ARE. Today. Right now. At this stage in your journey, how would it feel to say you love yourself and focus on the what your body has done for you and what it CAN do for you?".
I immediately said no way. This is not something that I would ever do. I could write a good post maybe, but never put pictures of myself out there in my undies or a bathing suit. You all have fun. I'm too old and too fat for any of this.
Never say never! Here comes October 13 and the new challenges for Shrinkvivor. I have never not done a challenge. I have always tried. I may not have succeeded in them all, but I always tried. The new non fitness challenge is to expose ourselves. Holy Mother of God!!! What the hell am I going to do now? I can't not do it. It's a challenge and I can't not do a challenge.
So....I sit down and I think. What am I so afraid of? That people will know I'm fat? Guess what? They already know that. Why else would I be trying to lose weight with the Sisterhood? Is it that I would have to face the fact that I am fat? I already know that. I've already accepted that. What's the worst thing that could happen if I do this? I would have to really accept who I am and how I look and put my money where my mouth is and truly love me for who I am and what I look like. Bingo!! That's it and I can do that.
Here comes the hard part....taking the pictures. Looking back, I should have used the timer or the remote to take the pictures, but I was just thinking "get it done". I wasn't thnking of picture quality. I put on a sports bra and workout shorts. That was as exposed as I was going to get. I went in the bathroom, took a deep breath and shot. Next, I put them on my blog and I wrote the post. The post was easier than I thought. There really are things that I like about my body. And then came the absolutely hardest part. I had to push Publish Now. So hard, but I did it.
In what seemed like seconds, I was getting comments on the post. I was overwhelmed. People were so genuinely kind and sweet. I couldn't believe that they were talking about me. It was awesome and amazing and I felt absolutely and totally loved. Loved by people that I only know through this social media site. I only know a very few of you in person. Two years ago I would have told you that it wasn't possible. Today, I can tell you that it is possible and I love you all so much. You mean so much to me and I don't ever want to imagine my life without you.
There were two things that really surprised me. There was a comment from my dear, sweet, wonderful friend Sharon. I had no idea that she even knew about this weight loss blog. I never told her. I was thrilled to read her comment though. She never fails to make me feel like a million bucks. I love her so much. She joined the Sisterhood today. She also promised me this morning that she was going to post an exposed post today. I guarantee you are going to want to read it. She is a million shades of awesome. I also noticed my beautiful daughters face in the followers pictures. I had never noticed it before. I didn't know that any of my family knew about this blog. It was my blog where I could be real and truthful with all of you. I didn't think I was ready for my family to know what I weighed. I guess at least one of them does now.
So, that is what I learned about love in the last 13 days. I learned that I really do love me. I'm really pretty awesome. I've got a long way to go, but I know I will get there and I will love me for me on this journey. I also learned that the people who are supposed to love you aren't always the ones that can give you the most love. People that I only know right here is this monitor can make me feel wonderful and awesome and so very loved. Thank you so much!
p.s. It's one of those days when Blogger won't let me make paragraphs. I'm not stupid, just frustrated with Blogger. Now that I have said this, when I hit Publish Now for the 4th time of trying, it will probably have paragraphs.